A humorous and satirical site curated by one Sir Charles N. George Sirtup IIIdiscoverer and translator of the original fly manuscript The Tale of Fecal the Fly and the Loyal Arse 

The Alternate Universe

Was Stonewall Jackson fragged?

Hardass Stonewall Jackson was marching his men and horses for days and nights on end, demanding attacks on forces two and three times larger than his and the war was winding down.  A rebel zealot, he preferred to die rather than lose the wretched war to the north, but did his men all feel the same?  He and nine of his command were riding that all night, (once again) trying to scout an attack on the flank of a northern army.  The sky was pitch black and the underbrush was dense, Jackson refused to call it a night until he found a point of attack.  How tired were his companions?  How sick of his sorry sick suicidal ass were they?  It’s a good question and worth pondering.

History claims a few half-awake rebel guards with antiquated rifles along a picket line took him out with old muskets and balls.  Historians estimate to hit Jackson would have taken a one in sixteen miracle shot in daylight by a sharpshooter who could see him, nearly impossible in the black of night.  So what happened?   Nobody really seems to know, there was confusion, guns fired, horses bolting, and Jackson was hit in the arm by acknowledged, “friendly fire.”   There were no northern troops in sight and no one else was hit but Jackson.  Hmmm.

Take a look at the bullet hole in the arm of Sonewall’s  riding jacket.  Looks like a shot could have been taken at his heart by one of his riders behind him but maybe Jackson’s horse bolted and twisted just in time to have the ball go through the back of the arm instead of through the chest.  History claims he was riding toward the pickett line but the bullet enters the arm of his jacket from the back?  Many gung ho commanders got fragged in Vietnam by conscripted soldiers whose goal became to survive a stupid bloody war with no end and somehow get home to their families.   An officer who wanted to prove his patriotic worth by dying and taking his men along with him was considered a, “liabilty.”  Was that the case here?  Did Sonewall get fragged by his brother-in-law or one of the other eight men riding with him that night?  The, “Legendary Sonewall Jackson death/war story-myth,”  doesn’t add up on its face, but if you think, “fragging,” the same story flies like a fly!   Sir Charles

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